316

I was sitting in my car, about to do a home visit, and I was being nosey watching the police responding to a call at a house further down the street.  I just happened to look out the window to the left and across the street was this tiny brick house.  Although houses stood on either side of it,  it seemed as if it were standing alone.  It couldn't have been more than 800sq ft and probably had one bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen/dinning room/family room all in one.  My eyes were locked dead on this house.  I don't know why but for some reason I was attracted to it and I said to myself that I would live in that house if I had one of the most important things to me.  I would live in it for love.  The house could be empty, but as long as my heart was full that's all I would care about.  Here's to house 316.    

Offense...The New Cholesterol

When we think of heart disease and clogged arteries, we look at the causes which are typically a build up of calcium, fat, cholesterol and others. When these harmful deposits continue to collect, it narrows the artery essentially cutting off blood supply to the heart. The heart is not able to function at its full potential and successfully carry out its purpose (as it was designed to). This is not a lesson on biology but a lesson on the heart.

If we were to open our closet of memories, I'm sure we could all clearly recount some very hurtful moments. "Life happens", as it was so frankly told to me one time. I didn't like hearing that because there was nothing comforting or stable about something just happening to me. But it is true. Because life happens and people are people, there are going to be moments when you are hurt intentionally or unintentionally (and you will hurt others). There are going to be moments when people don't do what you naturally expect them to do. There are going to be moments when someone does something completely opposite of what you asked of them. Maybe something was said in a tone that seemed disrespectful. There is always going to be an opportunity for 'offense'. You can almost count on it. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, offense is:

1. Something that outrages the moral or physical senses
2. The act of displeasing or affronting
3. A breach of moral or social code
4. Or as I define it, "you did me wrong"

I believe offense is a natural response, although not the best. But it's a reflex. When something happens we automatically feel we are entitled to be offended and then vindicated. Especially when the offense was not even acknowledged. But offense is a silent killer. It collects and builds up in our hearts and before you know it, our hearts are hardened (dead). There is no supply coming to or from the heart anymore. You can't receive love nor show the love of God. In my quest to keep growing, offense is something I have had to keep an eye on. I've noticed an increase in the opportunities to be offended but I had to address it and give it over to God so that I wouldn't develop heart disease. After all, offense is a heart issue. It's that cringe we feel when someone's name is mentioned or something triggers those dormant ill feelings. The solution is forgiveness. I had a friend put forgiveness into perspective for me in a way that had never heard (Thanks B. Hard - I took it to heart). He said that forgiveness is separating the person from the offense. That way you won't punish the person, but merely acknowledge the offense and dispose of it.

For the past month, Bishop Butler has been doing a series on prayer. Last night he reminded us that offense stops the flow of what you are praying and believing God for. It also ties God's hands from forgiving you! He told us to let go of the offense. I left service and asked God "what do you want from me. I have forgiven already!" I'm someone who is quick to forgive, but have silently held offense. For a long time I struggled with letting offense go because I felt I owned it rightfully. That justice was not served and I got the short end of the stick. Offense is that security blanket or that playing card you can use to justify your damage. We like attention and we like to be victims so people will come and comfort us and make a big to-do over us. But while you are holding onto that thing (whatever it is), you are hurting only yourself. You are clogging your own heart and causing your own heart disease. Is it smart to make your own self [heart] sick? Folks will go on like nothing happened and sometimes you may feel like you were the one left to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces. Sometimes, it's like that. But I encourage you today, as I have put into practice, to let go of the offense or whatever that no no is to you. Brush that chip off your shoulder and separate the person from the offense. It all starts with forgiveness. Not permitting what was done, but saying "Hey, you made a mistake. I make mistakes. I'm not going to hold it against you". Our minds say "What! NO! " But that's where we are responsible for renewing our minds and thoughts (Phil 4:8).

Just remember that just like we call on God's grace to release us from the punishment or consequences that we really deserve, we need to extend that same grace. I have prayed for God to help me operate in grace towards others and it is working. If you don't want God to give you what you deserve [negatively], then don't dish it out to others. Grace and mercy is our lifeline.

From The Heart of a Believer

We as beings have a responsibility to "the earth and the fullness thereof", as it has been granted to us. Whether you agree that there is a God or not, I think we can agree that neither you nor I created this thing. And we certainly don't know anyone who has. The quickest way to throw a population into extinction is to turn its members against one another. We plot to kill each other, we plot to kill the unborn and we plot to kill our environment. We make movies about it, TV shows and video games. We are walking zombies that have been desensitized.

Today I found myself disturbed by issues that push the button of my heart. I was reading the newspaper online and saw an article that reveals how far we have come from the founding biblical principles this country was founded on. This erosion is the root cause of our weakening societal and political infrastructure. In short, members of the Westboro Baptist Church were exercising what the Supreme Court is undecided about being their 1st Amendment Right and picketed outside of the funeral of Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, a fallen soldier. Sounds kinda crazy huh? So what was the rationale? "U.S. deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq are punishment for Americans' immorality, including tolerance of homosexuality and abortion." If that made no sense to you, God is allowing soldiers to die because America is immoral. So how did this church express their belief? By heartlessly toting signs that read "God hates the USA...You're going to hell...Thank God for dead soldiers" And here's the grand finale, a young boy with a sign that reads "God hates you".

Detroit News http://detnews.com/article/20101006/NATION/10060423/1020/nation/Supreme-Court-struggles-with-funeral-protest-case

I read the preceding comments, as everyone turned on each other. Where do we draw the line of Freedom of Speech? Do we really have a right to emotionally harm bereaving families? And how does the church send mixed messages of scripture and actions? This, amongst other hateful ways we show our distaste for one another, is about the loss of moral and ethical sensibility. I'm not arguing this article because that's pointless. I'm arguing the hardened heart of man.

But what brought me to tears, today, was a conversation that erupted in my presence. It was about abortion, something nearer to my heart more than anything. A story was being told very casually of one's experience at the clinic, almost like shopping at the mall. It's not casual. I am afraid of the power we have taken to make such choices and more so our attitudes towards that power. It's the attitude that enables and gives us permission to picket funerals of fallen soldiers, murder over money and abuse. Ask yourself, what is too far?

From the heart of a believer, I ask that you pray with me for the restoration of this land. That our conscience no longer be seared and that we choose right even if we have the power to choose wrong. Pray for the hearts of man to be turned to God, those who claim to be messengers of God but are false and those who are authentic. Pray for our political leaders and law makers.

I'm getting off my box now. As much as the news is repetitive with the same ol' same ol', I don't ever want to get to a place where I am not disturbed because then I will know that I myself have become desensitized. Notice how those who have been leaders in history are the ones who were disturbed about something. Consciousness raising...

When the Ice Cream's Gone...

I'm back and hopefully it's for good this time! I have been sitting on my hands that were made for expression and [God] decided to let them breathe. I was starting to feel like a kid on a scooter, pumping it up for speed. Pushing off takes energy and after a while, I lost it.

The beginning of 2010 started out with a hopeful bang. I was determined to have a year where the spoken word for that year actually came to pass. But I knew that kind of manifestation started with me...(and it starts with you too). Unfortunately I came in on a road-to-recovery status, so I had added work ahead of me, of which I was bitterly angry about. I finally hit a point in the midst of all my extreme emotions that nothing could sooth and said "Lord, I just want to be happy". You ever feel that way? I think sometimes we think it's un-holy to admit what God already knows (my life script~Psalm 139:2-4). It was an emergency. I couldn't move forward with the vision. Superman can't save the world beat down! I knew that if I did not possess happiness, I would fall victim to everything in my life. Life would own my soul.

God, in all his depth, really does have a sense of humor. He heard my broken record of a plea. One day, not too long after my plea, I took a trip to the Family Christian Bookstore and as I skimmed the Women's section I ran across a book called [insert title here]. You guessed it! Lord, I Just Want To Be Happy by Leslie Vernick. Ere...What are the odds?!

Back cover highlights:
*Recognize and change habits that , day by day, keep you from experiencing happiness.
*Make good choices and learn from mistakes without beating yourself up.
*Develop the skills that will enable you to let go of negative and painful emotions more quickly.
*Transform difficult circumstances so you can live with gratitude, joy and purpose.

This was on time. In my simplest conclusion, happiness is a choice. It does not force itself on you, write you love notes or sit by your bed waiting for you to wake up. It's not an amusement ride we wait in line for or a mystic thing we travel across the world for. You want it, choose it! Choose it when you wake up, when someone pushes your buttons, when you're stuck in a traffic jam, when the dog eats up your expensive underwear. Don't find it like most are wasting their money doing. Choose it. Happiness is a book in everybody's library, but it's competing with other tempting reads such as "Woe is Me Willow Tree" or "The Cussing Book for the Soul"...or my favorite "Regretful in Seattle". The reality is, I don't think choosing it is always the issue but maintaining it can be the ultimate challenge. These are my ways to maintain:

*CONFESS THE WORD. It is a must! If you can't leave the house without make up, you definitely can't leave without positive self talk. Check what's coming out your mouth because you have what you say.
*Put life into perspective. What's your bottom line of importance or what could be worse?
*Immerse yourself in things you enjoy and activities that make you 'selfless' (running, volunteering etc.).
*Guard your heart. Don't listen to that song or watch media that validates negative emotions.
*The most obvious, pray. Clearly God hears us if I find a book that took the words right out of my mouth. He is a breath's length away from you.

You can customize your own mechanism of protecting and maintaining your happiness. All in all, when the ice cream is finally gone and you played out that sad song, choose happiness. You'll be waiting forever if you don't. Make no mistake. Things will challenge it and you might have a bad day, but the important thing is recovering quickly because someone is waiting on you to change their life.

The "nothing"...dun-dun-DUN!

I was on my way home from the movies listening to "We Need You" by JR and found myself singing sincerely "I need you". I meant it with everything in me. I had a flashback of when I was in first grade (I was a part of a Christian School) and my teacher was saying a prayer, as usual, before class began. We were standing behind our seats, closed our eyes and she began. While she prayed, I felt something holding my hand. When she got done, we all opened our eyes and I distinctly remember her asking "did anyone feel that? Did anyone feel something grab their hand?" I will never forget that moment. If I allowed myself to be, I could be envious of the six year old me who held the hand of Christ. It's more meaningful to me now as an adult dealing with life in all areas.

I'm not going to bash 2009 anymore but I have talked to enough people to know folks have gotten hit, and not just hit but hit hard! There is a movie called Never Ending Story and for those of you who have not seen this movie, here is a short overview:

Through a book called The NeverEnding Story, a boy named Bastian is transported into this world called Fantasia (a world of imagination). There is more to the movie but for the sake of not rambling, I will get to the point. Fantasia is this beautiful land with this Empress and all these creatures. Anyway, turns out he ends up on a quest to save the land because it was being destroyed by the "nothing" (when the reader has lost their imagination). So stuff was disappearing into this blackness until there was nothing left but the Empresses tower and that was the last thing to be destroyed. All that was left was a grain of sand. All this chaos was going on and then all of a sudden, everything went black and silent. Bastian heard the Empresses voice, instructing him to make a wish with that one grain of sand and everything would be restored. He had to get his belief up to even do it. But he did it and everything was restored.

Ok cool. Minus all the fantasy and wishing, take it as is. Things are being destroyed and are disappearing by something powerful. Sometimes our lives feel like it's swirling in chaos and then everything goes black and silent. The "nothing" has reeked havoc. All that's left is a grain of sand or maybe for you it's a cookie or a shoe...something random. For me, I was starting to feel like all that was left was my breath. I had been reduced down to breathing. Who cares about clothes, shoes, cars, money. I don't. They can enhance my life but they don't make life or make my life. But it's the things that are hard to replace that hit home the hardest. I had to be careful to never step foot on the ground of unthankfulness. I was stepping very close to that line. Then I realized that if I don't learn anything else, it's to be thankful anyway. I am thankful for my breath because there are those who don't have that anymore. I have EVERYTHING to be thankful for. You never know what you are thankful for until you lose it either temporarily or permanently. I don't want to find that out. Hurt and pain can cloud your willingness to be thankful, though. I don't know what your Bible reads but mine says "give thanks in all circumstances" (1Thessalonians 5:18 NIV). That means the good, bad and the ugly. It takes your focus off what's not right and puts it back on what is right. It gets easier and easier to do when you meet people who got it worse and when you realize you aren't entitled to anything. I have.

So whether you lost someone to death or lost someone to life, or you lost something because you lost yourself or that something got lost on its way to finding you or your path doesn't look familiar anymore, hold onto that grain of sand, cookie or shoe that you have left, believe and watch everything be restored. It has happened for me before so I am believing for it to happen for me again. I am still walking through my valley with lessons to learn but when I was riding in the car, I asked the Lord to hold my hand again. You gotta realize when this thing is bigger than you, all you can do is hold onto God. There is something poetic about it and beautiful. In the end, my plane may have suffered several engine failures and a crash landing but just imagine me sticking my arm out of the wreckage waving and saying "I'M ALIVE!" ~living a life of thanksgiving.

P.S. The power of Bastian's belief trumped the power of the nothing. Selah.

Growing Season

Slash and Burn-Method of Cultivation

MY fallow land left UNSEEDED during a growing season has been SLASHED and BURNED. If done correctly, it can actually be healthy, allowing new growth to establish.

~Slashing eliminates old growth to create room for new growth--->food producing trees that are useful are left standing~ ~Burning removes pests and microorganisms--->ash releases nutrients to fertilize the soil~

~Then starts the process of new growth~

We revel and strive for the comforts of peace in our lives and resist the moments of opposition so much that we miss opportunities to grow. Or we allow opposition to cripple and paralyze us to the point of being unproductive for extended periods of time. There are moments when we hit extreme sorrow and pain through situations, then go into a self-pity cave full of the devils fine foods and delectables: depression, fear, anxiety, and Chocolate Turtle Chex Mix :-). Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans to prosper us, give us hope and a future...not to harm us. He is not our source of harm. But He will use those situations for something good to come out of them, if you don't resist the opposition/opportunity. I have seen a reflection of myself in my organicosity mirror (I made that up) even in the newness of this year, 2009. My opposition causes me to take a look at myself, point the finger at myself first and not others. It causes me to evaluate the fruitful parts of my life and my character and the old unproductive parts that need to be slashed and burned.

Wake up, shower, eat, go to school, go to work, work-out, drop the kids off, pick the kids up, cook breakfast-lunch-dinner, talk on phone/text, watch tv, play Wii, do homework, run errands, sleep...whatever order or activities you participate in, we live busy lives. In our business our resolution to 'pray in the morning', 'say my affirmations/confessions', 'read atleast one passage a day', 'finish reading that book I started', 'pray before I go to bed', 'debrief', falls off and we become an open target. I know because it happened to me. I became so concerned about rushing to school and work and fulfilling those duties that my guard was down. So here comes my adversary feeding me lies about myself that I got full on. Attacking my self-esteem and how I viewed my beauty, attacking my need to "do enough to be enough" and attacking my most hated part, my emotional self. To take a side journey, Proverbs tells us that "wisdom is supreme...get wisdom" (Prov. 4:7). Wisdom is the parent (authoritative figure) and emotions are the child (free willed, and undisciplined by nature). Wisdom parents your emotions. Wisdom says "slow down and think about future consequences to what you are about to do...is it beneficial, are you being realistic...you are being irrational!" Emotions say "give it to me NOW, i want it NOW, why not NOW!?" Emotions connect us and allow us to express ourselves and wisdom regulates that. For me, my emotional self thought the whole world was coming to an end. My life is over and there is no hope. If things didn't work out or if I got some bad news, I would go into a panic or be depressed (either or both extremes). I knew that was an area that I needed strength in, self control. In my illumination, I realized that I don't have low self-esteem but I allowed seeds of thoughts to be planted and grow. I realized that I can have control over my emotional self and that I am giving and my giving IS enough (although, we can always do more).

Right now I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death and with it lurks fear, anxiety and sadness. Now is an opportunity for me to either react off of emotions or do something different. That something different looks like anchoring my emotional self, my hope and my faith in the Lord COMPLETELY. It looks like rejoicing in the Lord like the Word tells us to do (Philippians 4:4). It looks like having a positive attitude and believing the best. Not to discount your genuine feelings of hurt, but to combat them so you don't fall off into bitterness. I was so busy trying to "suck it up" and keep moving that I did a disservice to myself. Pride tells you not to cry when you need to cry. It tells you that if you cry then you are not in faith. That's a lie. "Weeping may endure for a night, but night doesn't necessarily mean 8 hours. Night can last until...and then your morning will come"~mommy. No one can count how long your night will be but you have the morning to look forward to. And just like the rainfall purifies that atmosphere, catches its impurities and washes away the dirt, our tears do the same. But joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Before you know it, a blade of grass will rise up from the ashes and then starts the growth of something new.

I have committed to shedding the unhealthy parts of myself, and cultivating a better version of myself. Computer programs have upgrades, phones have upgrades, heck even cars have upgrades. Why can't we? My journey of growth is not over, of course, but I put my thoughts under submission, surround myself with the Word (good seed), give God praise when I feel like complaining, look to encourage someone else, expand my spiritual knowledge, and wake up every morning running to be closer to my Designer, my Creator. If you want something to rely on that never changes, its your Creator. Put things into perspective. What we long for here on earth won't matter in Heaven. We have a short period of time left, rise to the morning and rise to your assignment.

*Remember: your mind is the enemy's Cedar Pointe. Time to stop giving out free passes into the park.

I'm going to bed to pass the time...tasting a piece of an exotic fruit that you have never had before but denied the whole fruit...kinda how it feels.

Simplicity

I have an ear for commercials that features music in the background. That's why I like to watch certain shows because they always have good music that I have never heard. If I hear something I like, I am franticly searching for it! Thank God for YouTube and Google!! There's a jewelry commercial that featured a song that I loved (even though you only hear maybe 30 seconds of it). So I found it! Landon Pigg is the name of the artist and the song is called Coffee Shop...Love is simple and doesn't have to be complicated. We make it complicated by putting it in a box and giving it rules to live by. Watch the youtube video first (great photography) and read the sweetest testimonial below:
(Not the official video)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bt01d5ZuyjY

"I met my wife on the subway. Our first date was in a coffee shop. She spilled her cup on me and right then and there I knew she was the one. Now, over 25 years, 2 kids, a house, numerous cats and a dog later, everytime I smell coffee, I think of her."

Cowardly Monkey

My friend to the left is saying it all without saying anything. The unfortunate part is that this is what we look like when we don't speak up. Silence is so loud. It's more piercing than the highest frequency. We have all been in a room full of people when a shocking question has been asked or a shocking answer has been given. The whole room has gone silent. What a deafening soundless sound! Every now and then, I'll watch Oprah to keep current on her show topics. A couple of days ago, she did a show which involved an experiment called What Would You Do. Basically they staged various controversial situations (using actors and actresses) to see if by-standers would react or how they would react rather. Or lack of reaction, also. I thought it was interesting because you never know what you will do or say until the pressure is on.

I believe that silence is the quietest death to anything. That's what our Civil Rights leaders believed also. That's why they marched, spoke, and made noise about the essentials to our human existence. Silence is not indecision, it's_a _decision. In the past week I have been surprised at the actions of others to the point where I couldn't be quiet, even if it was in church. I believe that's one of the reasons why I have a heart to be a Social Worker. Something inside me won't let me be quiet to injustice. Obviously words provoke change. How do you think policies in this country have passed or controversial cases in court have change the condition of right and wrong (whether the outcome was right or wrong).

Most importantly, I think about prayer. Prayer is communication between you and God. Prayer is like a universal key that can open any door, even if the locks are all different. It enables God to make moves. Those moments when I feel lazy and don't feel like praying, silence has won and with winning, it's at the cost of myself and others. The Body (Body of Christ) falls for silence because it's easier. Speaking up puts us in uncomfortable positions. Speaking up makes us the odd-ball when we are in pursuit of popularity. Speaking up deems us as "super-spiritual". Speaking up might mean rejection. As I am typing, it's chilling to know that someone has just passed away with the possibility that someone didn't witness to them the love of Christ because they looked intimidating. Or if someone is sick, we figure enough people are praying, so one less prayer won't make or brake. Hmmm, I wouldn't want to find out how right or wrong of a notion that is.

When the enemy has convinced us to keep our mouths closed, he has arrested us. What damage can we do him with our mouths shut and our hands preoccupied with sealing our mouths? We look like cowardly monkeys. We have received the instruction of the Word and that is to "pray continually...(1Thessalonians 5:17)". Why? Because we have an enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Keep your mouth moving, with prudence of course. If we were truly made in the image and likeness of God, in imitation of Him, were not made to be silent creations. God spoke and things came to be. Adam spoke and things were named. Moses spoke and led the people. Esther spoke and saved her people. Jesus spoke and saved us! Nothing is accomplished in silence. But much is to be accomplished with moving mouths and words of substance. Selah...

Pack Light

I know several people who have relocated, because of their job, and were well taken care of. They were given a house and everything that was necessary. Must have been a valuable employee! What if someone were to give you a brand new beautiful house, paid for debt free! All the cabinets filled with food, all the closets filled with new clothes and shoes, new dishes, pots and pans, linens, E-VER-Y-THING. Then you show up at the front door with your suit cases filled with your clothes, the cooking pot that's been passed down to you, books, rugs etc. Then your U-haul truck pulls up with your furniture including that dining room table that always gives you splinters. You brought everything that has been in your life for years. If you went to the pond shop, those things wouldn't be worth much and you know it.

Sometimes we move to the next level in our lives and God is saying "I have an assignment for you and all you have to do is show up. Don't worry about the accessories of life (Matthew 6:25-34)...just say yes and show up". Then we show up with all of our baggage from yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that. We brought our old clothes when He has provided new ones. We brought that dinning room table that gives us splinters (bad relationships that leave scars), that cooking pot that's been passed down (generational curses), books (hanging on other peoples words) etc. We hold on to old things that have become too familiar to the point to where it's hard to get rid of it, even when we know there is no real value. Even if it's junk, it's familiar and familiarity brings comfort (as strange as it sounds).

Erykah Badu said it right, in her Bag Lady song: "Pack light..."...or better yet, don't pack anything at all. The more you pack, the slower you progress. Things of no value are dead weight. That includes friendships, relationships and old unfulfilled promises. Anything dead should be buried. You have nothing to lose, but a whole new life to gain.

Tesoro

What do you do with something you enjoy and don't want anyone else to partake of? Or something that is dear to you and don't want tainted nor damaged? You typically hide it right? I know when it's the last piece of cake or the last piece of something that I have my heart set on, I AM HIDING IT!! People who have valuable jewelry, air looms, or things they place high value on, usually lock those things up someplace safe. What is a phrase we use when we are expressing how close someone is to you? We say "You will always have a place in my heart". What is it about the heart, that it's the prime hiding spot for things that mean a lot to us emotionally?

The Goonies is one of my favorite childhood movies. If you haven't heard of the movie, look it up or rent it (very funny). But what sticks out about the movie is the main theme, finding the hidden treasure of One Eyed Willy. There was a whole mythical story behind the treasure. Using a treasure map, the goonies ended up finding the treasure and the myths ended up being true.

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:11 NIV). This one sentence is packed with revelation. Number one, David was making a vow to God. He was making a declaration that because I don't want to sin against you, hurt you, or disappoint you, I will take your word as value to my personal walk and hide it safe in the chamber of my heart where no one can touch it. Number two, the infallible Word of God possess so much value that it even is worth hiding. What a revelation! How precious is the Word to you? How far will you go so that it stays safe in a place where no one can take it from you? Tell me how many people in your life exist that you can take their word to the bank? Or how many people do you know that if you do everything they tell you, then you will be a success every time?

"For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21 NIV). If you were to give someone a map to your treasure, what will they find? Material things, idle relationships, status...Defined, treasure is: to regard or treat as precious; cherish, to put away for security or future use, any thing or person greatly valued or highly prized. At what value do you put the Word? It's permeated my life, transformed me, energized me, comforted me, brought me peace, empowered me, brought me restoration, assured my steps, given me joy and the list can go on! Check your heart and what the treasure locked up in it.

Crush Crisis

Women have the difficult and tricky role of waiting to be chosen by the RIGHT man (however that's defined by you and God). In my own experience, even most recently, I have found myself in the midst of what I will call a crushing crisis. This was the longest lasting crush I had in a while and Facebook was NO help, just made it worse. One of my favorite songs by Alicia Keys is You Don't Know My Name and expresses my sentiments. I got to the point where I was trying to be seen on purpose and was convinced that when he was looking my direction, he was looking at me (in a room of 50+ people). I was toiling within myself and toiling turned into anxiety. Anxiety turned me into a possessive monster because we act like the guy or girl we like is the only one left in that category. I put my stamp on this good brotha with hopes of building a friendship that would lead to other things. When I want something, I am adamant about getting it! All the while, I was questioning God "what's the point of crushes" because I was driving my own self crazy, let alone my friends. So I worried myself into a into a stupor until my friend came to the rescue and talked me off the edge of the cliff (thanks Jazz).

My perspective has been forever changed! Crushes don't have to be a curse people. Clearly this "guy" possessed qualities and characteristics that I desire in my special someone (hence the crush). So what if I don't get this specific guy that I had MY eye on. God is showing me through my crush, that there are men who exist that have what I desire and more! So I don't have to have anxiety (through fear) because God will supersede who I think is good for me. He won't give me less! If God can do better than the guy I like, I will be the luckiest girl in the world. Bring it on God!

My focus is no longer on the guy because that doesn't even matter. What does matter is what's for me will be for me. I don't want to have a desire for possibly someone else's future man. As Solomon so eloquently put it, "I am my lover's and he claims me as his own" (Song of Songs 7:10 New Living Translation). And while we wait in a positive expectation for that good man or woman, our focus should be on the biggest unfinished project of our lives, OURSELVES. Focus on all that you have ever been required to focus on, God's work! All the extra stuff, you are stepping beyond your boundaries. I'm reminded of the scripture talking about the return of J.C. and how, in the mean time, we (or the Disciples being taught) are to keep busy until His return (Luke 19:13). Stay busy while waiting.

A friend of mine wrote a very poignant note about contentment, the key to your sanity (thanks for sharing Mina ;-):

"So I was given this prayer CD and it had this sweet confession for unmarried people on it that I thought was definitely worth sharing. Many times I see singles around the church selling themselves short when it comes to dating, job choices, friends, improving themselves, etc. But I'll never forgot a message that I heard preached at a Y.E.S.S. Meeting (if you know what that is, then you are cool with me). The message was entitled, "The Enemy of the Best is the Good". What we think may be good for us or what even looks good, may not be God's best.

Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." We as children of God need to remember that God's ways are higher than ours and so are His thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). Therefore, what may look good to us really needs to be brought before God and the light of His Word before we act on it. You see, His Word will shed light on the situation and reveal the truth that was previously hidden in the darkness! This process takes time, and contrary to what satan wants us to think, we do have the time. The BEST is definitely worth the wait. Okay, okay, okay, enough preaching from me...check out this confession:

I confess total contentment in myself, wholeness in my body, patience to wait on God, and security in Christ. I am a person of high self-esteem and significant value to the Kingdom. I will not compromise my covenant with God, nor will I allow fear to cause me to operate in the flesh (realm of the flesh). I exercise complete and total control over my mind, my will, and my emotions, and I do not leave any doors open for satan to sneak in.

I understand that every relationship is not for me. Every person does not have my best interest. All that glitters isn't gold, and every sugary thing is not sweet. In the Name of Jesus, I will not be distracted by counterfeits and wolves in sheep's clothing. I will not lower my biblical expectations nor will I give in to the pressures of the world. I have total confidence in God and the plan that He has for my life."

Heart Cry

I'm sitting in my room...it's 10:50 and I'm usually in bed by this time. I feel like having a late night for some reason. The song I'm listening to is 'Cry On' off the live album by Commissioned. I am trying to reason this sadness that has crept up on me. I think I smile so much that in my quiet times, my issues become loud. I''m going to sit back and chill...'til tomorrow my good people...