Home Improvement

"...He refreshes my soul." ~ Psalm 23:3

My soul was refreshed today and it  felt like the break of Spring, dawning from a long Winter season.  Everything is fresh and everything is new.  I have heard many messages about restoration and healing, but this time I walked out of the doors of the church and noticed that my anxiety lifted off my chest. I felt light.  Forgiveness, as I have probably mentioned previously, doesn't just stop there.  Sometimes there's residual feelings and emotions that you deal with.  It can often be accompanied with the guilt of knowing you are a believer and "shouldn't" be mad at God because He didn't seem to avenge you or you shouldn't be angry for being betrayed or you shouldn't be sad because of what you believe you lost.

When I was riding home, I began thinking about how my process has been reflective of a home renovation.  We represent a home where we allow people and things in and out.  Over the years, homes sustain wear and tear.  Furniture gets old, ceilings crack, and stains are left as a reminder of events that have taken place.    There comes a time when carpet needs to be torn out, cracks need to be repaired, walls need to be repainted and the overall decor can stand to be changed to a new look.  So I welcomed God to come into my home and begin renovating and during the process, it didn't look or feel good.  As a matter of fact, it seemed that things got worse.  Walls were knocked down and my wiring was tampered with.  So I asked God, "What are you doing??  I thought you were helping me!  All I needed was new furniture and paint!"  He went into deeper areas of my home that I felt had nothing to do with what I could see on the surface.  Several times I fired Him.  Several times I rehired Him.  I became worn from a process that, to me, was ugly.  I threatened to move to evoke God to do what I wanted Him to do.  I pushed Him out the way and said I would do it myself.  I told myself that "it is finished".  I convinced myself that my house is whole and no more work needs to be done, when clearly visitors could see otherwise. 

My house is not fully renovated BUT I am further in the process.  Today I welcomed God to continue the work he began in me (Phil 1:6).  I let go of believing I can do it on my own and asked Him to do what He has to do to make me completely whole so I can truly welcome people in.  I often remind myself about how the best teachers are the one's who have been in their field of work.  The same goes for believers who desire to walk out their path and make an impact on someones life.  Often we say that we want to be used by God, but don't want to go through what it takes to be used.  What a better way to make an impact with having gone through the experience, than not at all.  We have to live the message we preach.  If I don't get through to the other side, I can't tell others how to.  That's what's most important to me now and that's my motivation to get through my renovation process.  And when it's all done, the results will be beautiful.

"Those that are in Christ should never let tragedy rob their victory"~ From the messenger who delivered a message that saved my life, Pastor Andre.

Letters From The Sky

"Who told you that you were naked?"...Endearing, profound and revelatory ...

I was tagged in a note recently with the title "Who told you that you were naked", deriving from Genesis 3:11.  I'm sorry to say that I didn't end up reading the note, but the title kind of haunted me days after glancing at it.  I believe it's safe to say that most parents think the best of their off-spring, mess and all.  From the unidentifiable drawings to the oddly shaped clay that somehow is suppose to resemble you, it's innate to adore.

I believe the most important things God wanted Adam to know about himself was that he was created in His image, possessing the ability and power to assign value, to color His world with words, rule as opposed to being ruled, live and not labor, love purely and be loved.  Until one day, that day we often joke about in light-hearted banter, when he was told otherwise.  I also will venture to believe that the "serpent" represented more than what is read on it's surface.  What has someone told you that, as a result, caused a sense of self consciousness or that thing that you never realized that made you hide like Adam?  I remember being told a story about a little boy who went to school one day and received news that rocked his little world.  This little boy, after being picked up from school, proceeds to share with his mother that he was told he was African American.  Now the little boy no longer sees himself as just the unstoppable Hulk Hogan, but by the color of his skin.  The mother had a compassionate heart, recognizing the innocence of her child. I can imagine the compassionate tone God had towards Adam, realizing his innocence was gone.  It was factual that the little boy was African American but before then, he only lived on the truth that he knew about himself.  Truth that his family loved him.  Truth that he could be anything he wanted.  Truth that he wasn't lacking anything or in need. 

It was indeed factual that Adam was naked, but he lost his truth all because of what he was told about himself.  The truth of who he was was robbed by a fact.  I'll use myself as an example.  I have some cosmetic flaws.  That's a fact (:-/).  But I'll tell you this, I lost the truth of my beauty because I was made aware of my flaws by someone who was close to me.  You could have a slight slant in your smile that you never noticed, but it's not until it's been pointed out that you notice it every time you take a picture.  Then it turns into a complex, when before you were uninhibited.  When I really do some self reflection, the main things that I have a complex about are things that have been put on spot light, overshadowing who I was made to be.  What has been said to cause you to second guess yourself, your ability, worth or who you are?  For the sake of modernizing, in other words "Who told you anything other than what God made you to be?"

316

I was sitting in my car, about to do a home visit, and I was being nosey watching the police responding to a call at a house further down the street.  I just happened to look out the window to the left and across the street was this tiny brick house.  Although houses stood on either side of it,  it seemed as if it were standing alone.  It couldn't have been more than 800sq ft and probably had one bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen/dinning room/family room all in one.  My eyes were locked dead on this house.  I don't know why but for some reason I was attracted to it and I said to myself that I would live in that house if I had one of the most important things to me.  I would live in it for love.  The house could be empty, but as long as my heart was full that's all I would care about.  Here's to house 316.    

I had an "I don't want to grow up" stint this past week adjusting to a new job where I was questioning my ability to do my job right and to make a difference.  Pile on some decisions I have to make soon concerning my future and a great amount of anxiety about the upcoming holidays.  I just became one big ball of tension!  For a moment, I imagined life being a little easier where I wasn't challenged in so many ways and where everything just worked out right without much effort.  Then I thought about the Easy Button and how nice it would be if it were something real that could be pushed and *shazam* everything turns right side up.  Problems go away, folks act and treat you the way you expect, responsibilities become a little lighter, and days aren't so hectic.  Smooth sailing.  But since that button doesn't really exist with those functions, in my mind I have escaped to a small town in South America, living a simple life selling fruit in a street market (as I always say when I feel the urge to press eject).

Much has shifted and moved lately, in a good way, but it doesn't mean that with the shifts there wasn't going to be some pressure applied [I'm reminding myself].  Pressure is definitely not comfortable and neither is coming out of your comfort zone.  Seems like when I'm taken to a new level there is an element of difficulty.  I am grateful for the opportunities God has presented for me, no doubt.  Think about gymnasts competing in the Olympics.  It's definitely an honor to be there in the first place!  There's a portion of their score that judged partly off of level of difficulty.  Meaning that that there is an element to their performance that maybe they've never done before, was attempted.  If they want to beat their competitors, they not only have perfect that element but do it better than everyone else.  That's pressure!  Just because the element may look nice on TV doesn't mean that it was easy for them to do.  But what if someone won the gold medal for completing a cartwheel alone.  Was much effort really put into winning that medal?  Maybe if you were athletically challenged but for a good number of us, it can be done without much effort.  Would the gold medal be appreciated if there wasn't any blood, sweat and tears put into it?  It makes you think why our victories are sweeter when we've cried a little or thought this was the end of us but came to find out that it really wasn't.  Then we look back and say "I don't even know how I made it through that hot mess!" 

I've also thought about labor and why God designed it the way He did.  The easy thing would be for your stomach to detach somehow and there's the baby.  But it's an intense moment in time that tests you and seems like is pushing you to your limits (unless you've had an easy labor).  I've always heard mothers say that once the baby arrived, everything they went through to get to that point seemed to disappear.  For whatever pain or pressure was experienced, the end result makes it worth it all.  I'm looking forward to that moment.  But in the meantime, I have enough life moments like this illustration to labor through.  The end results will be worth it and I know it.  So do we really want life to be easy, taking it for granted?  Or do we want to be pushed to explore our abilities and enjoy the fruits of our labor?  I believe the latter.


Dear Lord,

Help me not to take the easy way out but to persevere, giving you a chance to show your ability through me.  Your word says that you are the greater one in me and there is nothing too hard for me.  Remind me of that, when I forget.  In Jesus' Name,  Amen.

Reflection

I was thinking this morning, how would I feel as a parent if my children asked me for something that they wanted badly and I overheard them complaining about when they were going to get it and if I understood what they wanted.  Like Christmas, for instance.  I made my list and there was this great anxiety up until that Christmas morning to see if I got what I asked for.  I had specifics and I wanted to make sure my requests were clear!  Ok, back to me being a parent --->I would be upset!  My desire to get what my children desired would be gone!  I would feel my children were ungrateful and doubted my ability as a parent to be kind enough in granting their wishes.  Then I had a reality check.  That's how I treat God sometimes.  I follow the Word, make my requests know, believe I receive and then ask God if he understood my request.  I then become impatient with how long it's taking to manifest and if God understood what I wanted exactly.  So then I thought to myself "What would make me, as a parent, move a little quicker in providing that 'thing' for my children?"  Gratitude or thanks giving, not nagging.  If my children were thankful and confident and showed excitement, I would stay on top of the mission and maybe even add a little something extra on the side.  I believe that's how God is.  Complaining, I believe, annoys him (as it would you too).  Thanks giving causes His hand to move quicker.  Just my own little reflection moment.  

Special Delivery

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - things about such things." Philippians 4:8 NIV

About a week ago, I was having a particularly sad evening.  So I remedied it by going to bed.  That next morning I woke up from what was, to me, a nightmare about something that is near to my heart.  Needless to say, that dream made matters worse and thoughts of fear and anxiety were swirling through my head all day.  With the way I felt, the dream might as well have been real!  This was something that I have battled with before and had gotten under control.  I know how I am when things like this happen.  I won't pray about the issue, I won't get encouragement from the Word and I won't talk to God because "I just need a moment".  I got nothing accomplished that day and used my sadness as an excuse.  The very next evening, I went to church as I heard a message about faith (something pretty commonly talked about).  But this time, it was different!  It was explained in a way that got my attention.  The theme of the message was about recession and believing for God to restore back the material things that were lost [by faith].  That's not my story though (thank God!), so I'm believing for other things.  I went home and repented for allowing doubt and fear to come into my heart and not believing that God is actually able to work my stuff out.  Sometimes we feel that things are so far gone that we give up on them.

In reflection, I realized why I had a moment of a temper tantrum.  My weekends had been particularly busy and long.  When I find myself going to bed late, getting up early, not saying my confessions, running out the door and running on E, I'm in a position of vulnerability.  I basically left the backdoor open for the enemy to get into my thoughts.  So he seized the opportunity to deliver my [old] fears and [old] anxieties and I signed for the packages.  These are things I have no business entertaining.  So I reminded myself of the scripture above and told my mind that it will only think of things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.  Anything that is of negative report, you can find comfort in knowing that it is not from God.  God doesn't deliver fear and anxiety.  He's a business man but that's not his m.o.

Having a life and staying busy needs balance.  With no balance, you will end up a target.  It's ok to slow down and take care of not just your body but also your mind.  Just know that whatever you are believing for, the enemy will come with his plan of attack to get your faith off of believing for that thing.  It's no coincidence.  That's the true test.  How much do you really believe God is able, against all odds?