I'm going to bed to pass the time...tasting a piece of an exotic fruit that you have never had before but denied the whole fruit...kinda how it feels.

Small Ditty

Was having a call and response moment with myself this morning...or maybe I should just say that I was talking to myself in my mind :-). I was thinking to myself that I know my Bible pretty well and started to say, good enough. But there is no such thing as knowing enough of the Word! Then I had an illumination!! Remember those books (and TV Guide Magazines) that had a colorful picture of patterns and if you stare at it long enough you start to see something else. Thats what the Bible is like. You can read it (look at it with surface eyes) but the Bible has sooooooo many layers that even if you read the same scripture, you can find a different revelation then before (you see a picture within a picture)! You see something different that you have never seen. You read it differently then before. It wowed me, I don't know about you! You might be new to reading the Word and it doesn't make sense or it's starting to sound like an unrealistic story book. Look at it again with a fresh perspective and an anticipation to see something you haven't seen before...SE-LAH!

Crazy Wonderful

I love that phrase right now, "Crazy Wonderful"! That's how my life is feeling at this moment because I am witnessing a Word I received from the Throne itself unfolding! Sometimes when we quiet ourselves and get the boldness up to write down what we hear, we question what we've heard. I know I do! I'm like "God, was that me or you? Not tryna take credit, but I just needed to know if I'm talking to myself". I'm so messed up right now, my appetite has come and gone! And if you know me, then you know how much I love my food ;-)

My prayer journal is chock full of either dreams I have had, prayers I have prayed or spoken word form the Lord. This morning I woke up earlier than my alarm, so I decided not to fight it and to get up and pray. So I prayed and took my shower and was going to read over my notes from Sunday service and Tuesday's convention. That all changed as soon as I sat on my bed. I picked up my journal to read over a dream I had at the end of last year, when the book opened to the page where the Lord had spoken to me a few months ago. He gave me specific instructions that I had been lagging on and it hit me so hard! I will take a moment to be transparent (that's the purpose of this blog spot).

The set of instruction were all related to the same subject but one of the things the Lord told me to stop doing is pulling my hair back. Usually when it's around the time when I need to wash my hair, it stops cooperating with me and gets dirty. So I pull it back until I have time to wash it. Now this is not the reason 100% of the time, but for a good portion, that's the reason. I was suppose to wash my hair the other day but was too busy studying. Needless to say it got put off for an extra day. So I had been pulling my hair back and was going to do it again this morning. I felt this urgency to get up and wash my hair right at that moment. It's 7:40am and I needed to be at church by 9. It takes me a good hour and a half to really wash, blow, and curl my hair right. I only had 45 minutes, that is a short amount of time! I'm like "Ok Lord, I will do it but you have to help me". I was able to do it and leave the house in just enough time to make it to church. God wants you looking and feeling your best!

What's my point? God will blow your mind if you let him, so take a chance in hearing what He is saying to you and write it down! I can't speak on it just yet until things solidify but, I really feel a testimony coming on. I remember giving up on taking total control of my life and asking the Lord to write my story (on my signature line of my emails) in specific areas or just in general. It's so unconventional too. He is causing the desire of my heart to be granted, why? Because HE plants the desire in your heart (you're not that smart ;-) I'm feeling Crazy wonderful and my stomach has butterflies from anticipation land.

Today

Today I'm grateful....
I'm grateful that I can see
I'm grateful that I can hear music, the sound of cars passing by and the trees clapping for me
I'm grateful for the V.I.P.'s that have been written into my life story
I'm grateful for every little accomplishment, even if it is baby steps
I'm grateful for my role here on earth and don't want to be anybody but myself
I'm grateful for the interesting touches to my day that remind me that God knows what I desire
I'm grateful that I breathe in and out
I'm grateful for the supply of joy that is not attached to swaying circumstances, waiting for me every morning
I'm grateful that I can hear the screaming kids getting off the school bus
I'm grateful for the adventure of interesting people
I'm grateful for extremes and in extremes to help me find a balance
I'm grateful for the warm weather
I'm just grateful

Darc Nite

The night is darkest before dawn

In one of my archived blog posts, I told a story about how some friends and I were downtown and I spontaneously felt moved to give away my spaghetti that I really didn't want. When given the opportunity, I questioned it so much that I missed my window of opportunity. What an awful feeling! Yesterday I ran to the grocery store to buy my favorite snack (Chocolate Turtle Chex Mix) and on my way in the store, I caught a glimpse of a man who was sitting by the door in a wheel chair. I saw that he was terribly burned and he had a box on his lap. Without doing a double-take, I went into the store and in my darkest hour of need, I decided that I was going to give all the money I had in my purse to him. On my way out the door I said a quick prayer of healing over the money (tangible things can transfer). I walked outside and there was a shopper talking to him so I walked up behind her and put the money in his jar. He looks at me and says "God bless you." I granted him the same thing. I don't feel proud because this is what we are suppose to do as believers. We are suppose to have open hands instead of closed fists. I feel optimistic about the restoration of this man, not just physically but everything he has lost. I am confident in the Word that prayers of the righteous make much change!

I was having a bleak moment before I went to the store. Things weren't looking so much in my favor and I almost had a moment of panic. No one knows your dealing better than you and no one can feel it like you. I shed a few tears and picked myself up quickly so I wouldn't fall in the ditch of sorrow. Though it feels like my darkest hour, I am not alone. Neither is the man who was burned. God will use you to be a blessing to others to get the focus off yourself. Swimming to shore and drying off is much better than floating away and losing sight of land (hope). I'm doing the backstroke all the way back to my shore. It's time I start taking my own medicine, lol!

Blood Type: Toxic

Anybody who has a luxury vehicle will tell you that luxury vehicles require a certain type of treatment, such as quality gas. If you put any other type of gas or even cheaper gas in the tank, your car won't perform at it's best as it would with quality gas. The engine eventually would probably corrode and shut down. The same is with our bodies. We were designed to consume quality foods (organic fruits, veggies, meat etc.). These organic foods work for our benefit as does quality gas for any vehicle. They supply our bodies with specific nutrients that treat every part of our body, inside and out. But slowly but surely we have moved away from pure foods for the sake of quick production. We intake sugars that corrode our organs, processed meats that our bodies struggle to breakdown, and so on. I wonder why we don't perform to our potential? Or where diseases come from? Could it be a combo of deficiencies in our diet and stress? Stress? Yea, from keeping up with the Johnsons and the Joneses. Wow, just had an epiphany! We treat our luxury vehicles better than our own bodies! We are full of toxins from the environment and food. Toxins are sitting and shutting our systems down. It's usually a domino effect. When one part shuts down, another goes down hill, and then another.

I don't know exactly when the "quick" schemes first came on the scene. I'm assuming when the microwave was invented. Or maybe fast food restaurants started the madness. Whatever the case, we as Americans especially are all about the quick schemes. Get rich quick, lose weight quick, find a mate quick, prepare dinner quick, shed years of aging QUICK! Then "easy" was added at the tail end of quick. Every infomercial's tag line is "It's quick and easy". Meaning, not much work involved. But we are catering to laziness and perpetuating impatience. We are like water molecules when heated up. Going fast and eventually crashing. Crashing into others and crashing ourselves. It's always at the tail end of things that we hurry to reverse the inevitable. Our whole lives we eat fried food, salty food, junk food, smoke, drink etc. and then at the end suffering from all types of self inflicted diseases, we're concerned. All these years, we have been adding to the landfills things that take 100years and more to decompose, or planting more industrial buildings than trees, and BIG vehicles. Now we are seeing the effect it's having on the environment and everyone is scrambling to be "green". Green isn't a new concept. It's always been a choice that was rarely chosen. Green was a hindrance to QUICK production. The township that I live in doesn't participate in picking up recycling bins because it's an "eye sore". WOW!

I don't want too say "too little too late" and be a pessimist. Better late than never I guess. In the meantime, what we can make drastic changes about is our diet. We were designed with resilient bodies. Wouldn't it be cool if we really did live in a dome of bubble wrap? Reality is that we don't, so be good to yourself because the one's feeding you the quick schemes don't care about you. Be good to our dome of earth, because we don't get a new one.

Rough Draft

Just a rough draft...kinda feel'n my way around to finish it.

He knows the lines of my frown
He knows the crack of my bones
He knows the freckles on my face
He knows when I abound and abase
He knows what I need beyond what I desire
He can calculate my next move
like playing checkers or a chess move
He know my favorite color
my favorite song that makes my stomach flutter
He dyed the color of my eys
Drew the lines of my smile
Fit my hand for a pen
and stirs my gift up from within
He amazes me constantly
Never rushes me along
because patience is his favorite song
The perfect gentleman I contend
I breathe the air of him
Get lost in daydreams of him
Every heartbeat is for him
.....
You are the warmth of the sun on my skin
You are the rain that makes my flowers bloom
You are the rest I get from work at noon
You are the wind that blows my hair
You are the sweet fragrance of the Spring air...

Opposite

Subliminal messages...a very discrete yet affective tactic. I feel like I have been a victim (in a good way) in the last couple days. Not from commercials or from implied ideas through conversation, but through music. Although music can have a direct and clear message, the frequency of the message is what has caught my attention. I stumbled upon an alternative Christian band called Leeland (they remind me of ColdPlay) last year and their new album was released recently called Opposite Way (single called Opposite Way). I purchased the CD, listened to it, and forgot about it within weeks. In the meantime Tye Tribbett has come out with his new album titled Stand Out. I listened to the single Stand Out and was immediately reminded of my growing up. I can say without a doubt that I NEVER fit in, and not by choice. I was raised differently than my friends and I never embraced my "sticking out like a sore thumb" image until I became an adult with spiritual maturity. I think that's what attracts people to ask questions and from asking questions, you have an opportunity to share Christ. I learned that I was made to be different and not blend it. But it's the most uncomfortable experience when you don't have an understanding of it.

Today I popped in my Opposite Way cd and listened to that very song. Lyrics:

Living in the same town
for all these years
Doing the same old things
hanging with the same crowd
and it's starting to get crippling
you never felt in place
and you tell yourself it's all okay
but something's different today
you want to run the opposite way
and it seems like you're locked in a cage
and you need to find a way of escape
when everyone's setting the pace- it's okay to run the opposite way

When we hear the phrase opposite way we think of it in a negative way, or going in the wrong way. But this is different, going opposite of the wrong way. Going away from the movement of the crowd. I realized that I have slowly reverted back to my old ways of being concerned with trying to blend in. In the skin of Tye Tribbett's CD is a picture of a pair of black, white and red Converse AllStar shoes amongst a pile of dull generic duplicate shoes. I was and am that pair of Converse shoes. It is a very vivid image and spoke to me as a reminder. These two songs reinforced in me what I have carelessly forgotten and the Lord is good enough to remind me of in a way I would understand. You don't want to be caught red handed bending yourself to be what you are not. In what way have you blended in? It's the one's who don't fit in who are in a position to become billboards. At one time or another we have all been captivated by someone who we have made notice of because something about them was different. We wanted to get to know them better, didn't we? Almost wanted to know the secret ingredient that made them so unique.

We are responsible for our own self, actions, what we say and what we don't say, what we do and what we don't do, especially for the sake of being "down" (we don't say that anymore). Self identity gets lost in the crowd along with every ounce of tenacity that drives us to battle right from wrong. I'm reminded of my Shepherd King who didn't fit in either. What if He did, would we be here today? What about that one person who was responsible for you turning your life around? If they we worried about fitting in, they might have missed you. I have a mandate and somebody is waiting on me to be at the right place at the right time, sticking out like a sore thumb. I can't afford to blend in. I am growing in grace and will not be afraid to run the "opposite way". I ask that you run with me.

Simplicity

I have an ear for commercials that features music in the background. That's why I like to watch certain shows because they always have good music that I have never heard. If I hear something I like, I am franticly searching for it! Thank God for YouTube and Google!! There's a jewelry commercial that featured a song that I loved (even though you only hear maybe 30 seconds of it). So I found it! Landon Pigg is the name of the artist and the song is called Coffee Shop...Love is simple and doesn't have to be complicated. We make it complicated by putting it in a box and giving it rules to live by. Watch the youtube video first (great photography) and read the sweetest testimonial below:
(Not the official video)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bt01d5ZuyjY

"I met my wife on the subway. Our first date was in a coffee shop. She spilled her cup on me and right then and there I knew she was the one. Now, over 25 years, 2 kids, a house, numerous cats and a dog later, everytime I smell coffee, I think of her."

Cowardly Monkey

My friend to the left is saying it all without saying anything. The unfortunate part is that this is what we look like when we don't speak up. Silence is so loud. It's more piercing than the highest frequency. We have all been in a room full of people when a shocking question has been asked or a shocking answer has been given. The whole room has gone silent. What a deafening soundless sound! Every now and then, I'll watch Oprah to keep current on her show topics. A couple of days ago, she did a show which involved an experiment called What Would You Do. Basically they staged various controversial situations (using actors and actresses) to see if by-standers would react or how they would react rather. Or lack of reaction, also. I thought it was interesting because you never know what you will do or say until the pressure is on.

I believe that silence is the quietest death to anything. That's what our Civil Rights leaders believed also. That's why they marched, spoke, and made noise about the essentials to our human existence. Silence is not indecision, it's_a _decision. In the past week I have been surprised at the actions of others to the point where I couldn't be quiet, even if it was in church. I believe that's one of the reasons why I have a heart to be a Social Worker. Something inside me won't let me be quiet to injustice. Obviously words provoke change. How do you think policies in this country have passed or controversial cases in court have change the condition of right and wrong (whether the outcome was right or wrong).

Most importantly, I think about prayer. Prayer is communication between you and God. Prayer is like a universal key that can open any door, even if the locks are all different. It enables God to make moves. Those moments when I feel lazy and don't feel like praying, silence has won and with winning, it's at the cost of myself and others. The Body (Body of Christ) falls for silence because it's easier. Speaking up puts us in uncomfortable positions. Speaking up makes us the odd-ball when we are in pursuit of popularity. Speaking up deems us as "super-spiritual". Speaking up might mean rejection. As I am typing, it's chilling to know that someone has just passed away with the possibility that someone didn't witness to them the love of Christ because they looked intimidating. Or if someone is sick, we figure enough people are praying, so one less prayer won't make or brake. Hmmm, I wouldn't want to find out how right or wrong of a notion that is.

When the enemy has convinced us to keep our mouths closed, he has arrested us. What damage can we do him with our mouths shut and our hands preoccupied with sealing our mouths? We look like cowardly monkeys. We have received the instruction of the Word and that is to "pray continually...(1Thessalonians 5:17)". Why? Because we have an enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). Keep your mouth moving, with prudence of course. If we were truly made in the image and likeness of God, in imitation of Him, were not made to be silent creations. God spoke and things came to be. Adam spoke and things were named. Moses spoke and led the people. Esther spoke and saved her people. Jesus spoke and saved us! Nothing is accomplished in silence. But much is to be accomplished with moving mouths and words of substance. Selah...

Zap Your Zit

Usually in middle school, teenagers are going through changes and with that, sometimes accompanies acne (zits). But what is a zit really, or why is it rather? There is a hormone that produces more oil (oily skin) during that time and can clog your pores, causing an infection. The thing about white heads is that the infection remains below the surface of the skin and manifests with a white bump. So what's going on below the surface of the skin manifests itself and is released (by whatever method).

I believe God desires to take us to higher levels and I know that for myself. To myself, I feel that I am ready but it's not until God shows you flawed areas, that your realize underlying issues you didn't know were REALLY issues. Procrastination has been my biggest downfall. It use to be a joke because I felt that I did my "best" work at the last minute under pressure. That was usually the case. But now that I am an adult, procrastination has become a stronghold keeping me from moving forward smoothly. I started seeing things about myself that are flawed like how I don't keep an account of my money properly, or do things in a timely manner and that's a confidence killer. But I see now that those things (infections underneath) had to be brought to the surface (like white heads) and be brought to my attention. God wasn't showing me these things to discourage me! He was showing me so that I can acknowledge that I have a problem and allow Him to do a work in me. While we can't deliver ourselves from strongholds (only by the greater one on the inside of us) we can give God something to work with. For example, I have adopted the habit of creating of list of daily goals each morning. As long as I have my list, the Lord orders my day and helps me accomplish my tasks.

When you start noticing bad habits and undesirable traits about your character, don't get discouraged. Know that God is bringing those things to the surface so you can be delivered from them and be successful in everything you put your hand to. Zap those zits!

Pack Light

I know several people who have relocated, because of their job, and were well taken care of. They were given a house and everything that was necessary. Must have been a valuable employee! What if someone were to give you a brand new beautiful house, paid for debt free! All the cabinets filled with food, all the closets filled with new clothes and shoes, new dishes, pots and pans, linens, E-VER-Y-THING. Then you show up at the front door with your suit cases filled with your clothes, the cooking pot that's been passed down to you, books, rugs etc. Then your U-haul truck pulls up with your furniture including that dining room table that always gives you splinters. You brought everything that has been in your life for years. If you went to the pond shop, those things wouldn't be worth much and you know it.

Sometimes we move to the next level in our lives and God is saying "I have an assignment for you and all you have to do is show up. Don't worry about the accessories of life (Matthew 6:25-34)...just say yes and show up". Then we show up with all of our baggage from yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that. We brought our old clothes when He has provided new ones. We brought that dinning room table that gives us splinters (bad relationships that leave scars), that cooking pot that's been passed down (generational curses), books (hanging on other peoples words) etc. We hold on to old things that have become too familiar to the point to where it's hard to get rid of it, even when we know there is no real value. Even if it's junk, it's familiar and familiarity brings comfort (as strange as it sounds).

Erykah Badu said it right, in her Bag Lady song: "Pack light..."...or better yet, don't pack anything at all. The more you pack, the slower you progress. Things of no value are dead weight. That includes friendships, relationships and old unfulfilled promises. Anything dead should be buried. You have nothing to lose, but a whole new life to gain.

No Title is Necessary

I come from a musical family. My grandmother sings and plays the piano and she will wipe the floor up with you playing some old hymns. My mom also sang, played the piano and violin (trying to get back into the violin), my oldest brother plays the keys, bass and drums (dabbles in guitar), my second oldest brother plays drums, bass, trombone (used to), acoustic guitar (I'm sure others), and me - well I used to play piano and flute and I really want to get back to playing keys and electric guitar (I have to dust it off) and sing. So I have an appreciation for music and the craft and technique of it. I may not but up on all the popular music of today, but we grew up listening to music folks didn't know about and even to this day (I give a shout out to Dev). I grew up listening to bands like the Imperials and Phil Keaggy etc. (along with other types of music).

I must say there is something atmospheric that happens when the mixture of note chemicals marry. I enjoy and intensely pay attention to bands who play music and make a sound that supersedes this earthly realm. From the beginning of a song to end, it's like taking a ride that accelerates, intensifies, and finally gently drops you off at the whem of your imagination. It's left to your interpretation. My choir sang last Sunday and the band was particularly on point that day! In the lulls of the service (such as during offering time), the band was playing low and created an unrehearsed interlude that was so sweet, a few of us forgot we were in the choir stand. Music isn't something that can be explained or calculated. It's only something that can be experienced. When I listen to a good band, I feel like I have had an experience. Instruments are all about complementing each other and not competing against. Someone may not have the gift of singing but can sing through their guitar. Or someone else may not have the anointing to be a preacher, but they can testify from within them and translate it using the keys.
Music was meant to be a euphoric phenomenon. I'm talking about your extremities being detached from your analytical mind and moving on their own. I'm talking about an invisible power. So powerful that David (a musician;Psalms) was summoned by King Saul to play his harp for him to bring relief from evil spirits tormenting him. Not to mention all the other instances of instruments being used in powerful and unusual ways. If you are going to play an instrument, perfect your craft! Psalm 33:3 tells us to "...play skillfully...". This is my ode to music and the people who authentically play it:

Gallop the cadences of your heartbeat

Sing your notes all the way to heavens door

Strum the song a pen can't write

Blow the wind of life from within

Tesoro

What do you do with something you enjoy and don't want anyone else to partake of? Or something that is dear to you and don't want tainted nor damaged? You typically hide it right? I know when it's the last piece of cake or the last piece of something that I have my heart set on, I AM HIDING IT!! People who have valuable jewelry, air looms, or things they place high value on, usually lock those things up someplace safe. What is a phrase we use when we are expressing how close someone is to you? We say "You will always have a place in my heart". What is it about the heart, that it's the prime hiding spot for things that mean a lot to us emotionally?

The Goonies is one of my favorite childhood movies. If you haven't heard of the movie, look it up or rent it (very funny). But what sticks out about the movie is the main theme, finding the hidden treasure of One Eyed Willy. There was a whole mythical story behind the treasure. Using a treasure map, the goonies ended up finding the treasure and the myths ended up being true.

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (Psalm 119:11 NIV). This one sentence is packed with revelation. Number one, David was making a vow to God. He was making a declaration that because I don't want to sin against you, hurt you, or disappoint you, I will take your word as value to my personal walk and hide it safe in the chamber of my heart where no one can touch it. Number two, the infallible Word of God possess so much value that it even is worth hiding. What a revelation! How precious is the Word to you? How far will you go so that it stays safe in a place where no one can take it from you? Tell me how many people in your life exist that you can take their word to the bank? Or how many people do you know that if you do everything they tell you, then you will be a success every time?

"For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21 NIV). If you were to give someone a map to your treasure, what will they find? Material things, idle relationships, status...Defined, treasure is: to regard or treat as precious; cherish, to put away for security or future use, any thing or person greatly valued or highly prized. At what value do you put the Word? It's permeated my life, transformed me, energized me, comforted me, brought me peace, empowered me, brought me restoration, assured my steps, given me joy and the list can go on! Check your heart and what the treasure locked up in it.

Crush Crisis

Women have the difficult and tricky role of waiting to be chosen by the RIGHT man (however that's defined by you and God). In my own experience, even most recently, I have found myself in the midst of what I will call a crushing crisis. This was the longest lasting crush I had in a while and Facebook was NO help, just made it worse. One of my favorite songs by Alicia Keys is You Don't Know My Name and expresses my sentiments. I got to the point where I was trying to be seen on purpose and was convinced that when he was looking my direction, he was looking at me (in a room of 50+ people). I was toiling within myself and toiling turned into anxiety. Anxiety turned me into a possessive monster because we act like the guy or girl we like is the only one left in that category. I put my stamp on this good brotha with hopes of building a friendship that would lead to other things. When I want something, I am adamant about getting it! All the while, I was questioning God "what's the point of crushes" because I was driving my own self crazy, let alone my friends. So I worried myself into a into a stupor until my friend came to the rescue and talked me off the edge of the cliff (thanks Jazz).

My perspective has been forever changed! Crushes don't have to be a curse people. Clearly this "guy" possessed qualities and characteristics that I desire in my special someone (hence the crush). So what if I don't get this specific guy that I had MY eye on. God is showing me through my crush, that there are men who exist that have what I desire and more! So I don't have to have anxiety (through fear) because God will supersede who I think is good for me. He won't give me less! If God can do better than the guy I like, I will be the luckiest girl in the world. Bring it on God!

My focus is no longer on the guy because that doesn't even matter. What does matter is what's for me will be for me. I don't want to have a desire for possibly someone else's future man. As Solomon so eloquently put it, "I am my lover's and he claims me as his own" (Song of Songs 7:10 New Living Translation). And while we wait in a positive expectation for that good man or woman, our focus should be on the biggest unfinished project of our lives, OURSELVES. Focus on all that you have ever been required to focus on, God's work! All the extra stuff, you are stepping beyond your boundaries. I'm reminded of the scripture talking about the return of J.C. and how, in the mean time, we (or the Disciples being taught) are to keep busy until His return (Luke 19:13). Stay busy while waiting.

A friend of mine wrote a very poignant note about contentment, the key to your sanity (thanks for sharing Mina ;-):

"So I was given this prayer CD and it had this sweet confession for unmarried people on it that I thought was definitely worth sharing. Many times I see singles around the church selling themselves short when it comes to dating, job choices, friends, improving themselves, etc. But I'll never forgot a message that I heard preached at a Y.E.S.S. Meeting (if you know what that is, then you are cool with me). The message was entitled, "The Enemy of the Best is the Good". What we think may be good for us or what even looks good, may not be God's best.

Proverbs 14:12 says, "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death." We as children of God need to remember that God's ways are higher than ours and so are His thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). Therefore, what may look good to us really needs to be brought before God and the light of His Word before we act on it. You see, His Word will shed light on the situation and reveal the truth that was previously hidden in the darkness! This process takes time, and contrary to what satan wants us to think, we do have the time. The BEST is definitely worth the wait. Okay, okay, okay, enough preaching from me...check out this confession:

I confess total contentment in myself, wholeness in my body, patience to wait on God, and security in Christ. I am a person of high self-esteem and significant value to the Kingdom. I will not compromise my covenant with God, nor will I allow fear to cause me to operate in the flesh (realm of the flesh). I exercise complete and total control over my mind, my will, and my emotions, and I do not leave any doors open for satan to sneak in.

I understand that every relationship is not for me. Every person does not have my best interest. All that glitters isn't gold, and every sugary thing is not sweet. In the Name of Jesus, I will not be distracted by counterfeits and wolves in sheep's clothing. I will not lower my biblical expectations nor will I give in to the pressures of the world. I have total confidence in God and the plan that He has for my life."

Easy-does-it

Yesterday was particularly windy and I almost got blown away quite a few times walking from here to there. That's almost a parallel to the kind of last few weeks I have been having. But at one point, I was sitting in my truck waiting to go into a building when I noticed the seagulls flying above the parking lot. I locked my attention on one and made a profound observation. This poor seagull. I'm sure he had a destination in mind and he was trying his hardest (yes, I assigned a gender as we all unconsciously do) to get there. But the wind was so strong, you could see it pushing him backwards or sideways as he tried to fly straight ahead. Then I saw the most amazing thing! Suddenly, the seagull stops resisting and lets the wind catch him under his wings. He starts to surf off the wind. It was really cool to watch! He wasn't struggling along anymore, he just relaxed and surfed as if he knew he wasn't going to fall.

Wow, if we all could just relax and glide off of the wind...how freeing of a feeling. That's why people who go sky diving become addicted to it. Because for however many minutes they are soaring, there is a feeling of exuberance and easygoingness (that is a word). It sort of reminds me of Alice in Wonderland when she was falling down that rabbit hole. Sometimes I feel like I am falling, losing control of things around me, feeling insecure. But when Alice's dress ballooned open, she felt more secure. The counter wind caught under her dress and she floated along.

Everything is not for us to control. Human nature feels insecure when things are beyond our control. Those are the times when we should relax and ride off of the wind of life knowing that God won't let you fall! Stop resisting, spinning your wheels and tiring your wings. Be a kite today. I imagine I am a rock star kite with an electric guitar on it...

Heart Cry

I'm sitting in my room...it's 10:50 and I'm usually in bed by this time. I feel like having a late night for some reason. The song I'm listening to is 'Cry On' off the live album by Commissioned. I am trying to reason this sadness that has crept up on me. I think I smile so much that in my quiet times, my issues become loud. I''m going to sit back and chill...'til tomorrow my good people...

Margin

This was an eventful week for me. I had two presentations, a huge test, rehearsals, and a behind the scenes role in the Easter play. I am sore and tired! BUT I'm relieved that the week is almost complete. When I was pondering on this past week, I realized that I felt a sense of accomplishment. Hard weeks will make you appreciate the easy ones!

I was on the brink of feeling down on myself because I have gotten in a bad habit of not creating enough margin for myself sometimes. A lot of my preparation for my two presentations were last-minute (happens when you have other group members), somewhere in between creating powerpoint slides I managed to get a little studying done for my test, and somewhere between all of that, I managed to get some food and sleep. Essentials, right?! My room, the kitchen and my quiet time have suffered in the last couple weeks. I travel a lot during the week going to school, being involved in church, and running errands, so I am ALWAYS on the run. It hit me on Thursday, when I showed up to an appointment late, took too long on my test and was driving recklessly to make it to rehearsal on time, that I wouldn't have to be going through all of this If i would only create margin for myself!

Margin: an amount allowed or available beyond what is actually necessary. So think of margin in terms of time. Creating enough or beyond enough space of time needed. Too bad I had this epiphany about myself while I'm driving 80miles an hour on I-75 with a subway sandwich in one hand and my phone in the other! I have learned to drive with my knee...Preparing for what's ahead will save you time and sanity. Sounds simple enough, but you know you have your moments when you wait until the last possible minute because you have convinced yourself that "I have time". There is always some type of preparation that can be done therefore there should never be an idle moment. Whether its preparing for your day tomorrow, reading material that will be useful in the near future, prayer-kick'n it with Jesus, reading your Word, cooking, writing what's on your heart, washing clothes/dishes, or whatever pertains to you. There is a peace and serenity attached to creating margin for yourself. I finally see a break in the clouds!

Practice margin until it becomes a discipline. Give yourself more moments to breathe and enjoy the scenery of your life journey ;-)

Tightrope'n

Some years ago, I remember watching a video of a man who was a tightrope walker. This video ended up on the World's Most Shocking Videos by the way. This man, don't remember the name, was attempting to walk between two buildings. This wasn't a novice. This guy had been doing this for some years. So he starts down the wire and next thing you know, a wind comes along and knocks him to his death. What was tragic was that his death wasn't a result of an act of heroism. It wasn't for an occupation per se. He wasn't getting paid to do it. His death was a result of a thrill, a challenge, or maybe taken on a challenge prematurely.

Tightrope walkers typically have a focus point. Their focus is ahead of them. Most times they have a balancing pole that helps them to distribute their weight evenly, which results in balance. One foot is moved at a time. There is no other route, just one rope, one way to the end. When I think about our walk as believers, I think of tightrope walkers. Life or our path chosen for us, is the rope we are walking on (If you choose God's path for your life). That's why the narrow road is the lonely road. It's just you and Jesus (HG). The balancing bar is the Holy Spirit that helps distribute our weight and auto-corrects our steps. Our focus is (or should be) on Jesus - the author and finisher of our faith. When we experience imbalance in our lives and a struggle between our flesh and our spirit, it's because we have taken our eyes off Christ and we are looking around at everything else. We stopped looking at Christ concerning our relationships and are now looking at that good brotha to the left. We stopped looking at Christ concerning our provision and are now looking at that good bill that came in the mail. The wind that blows are the things of this world that are designed to knock us off our ropes. Keep Christ and the Word before your eyes so you don't loose focus. And like the famous tightrope walker that fell to his death, don't move forward until you have been guided to. Premature actions could cause the death of your soul or the death of you.

Carta Amorosa

To: the one I'm in love with,
you know who you are.
Just look at your hands,
you're the one with the scars.
It's your little girl take'n a moment to release,
these butterflies in my stomach,
'cause the fluttering won't cease.
Infact they increase with every heartbeat,
and every beat of my heart they restart and restart.
What kind of love is this,
that has no ups and downs?
I'm just high all the time,
except when distractions are around.
But I gotta shake it off,
get my attention back on you so I don't get lost.
I've gotten past the stage of "Imagine Me",
but now I'm living out the woman I always knew I could be.
I could go on and on 'cause I know you're always listening,
But no words have been discovered to fully express how much you mean to me.

I have "gas"

Do you remember when gas was below $2? Man, my best friend and I would go half on gas. I put in 5 and she would put in 5. We were good to go! Then as the temperature outside rose, gas prices rose. Then I just started getting plain cheep! I used to have a bad habit of putting only $5 worth of gas in my car because I was stuck in a mentality that "I don't want to pay extra". The gas attendant got a kick out of my ignorant behavior. You couldn't tell me a THING! I would slide that five dollars on the counter like it was an offer he couldn't refuse. So what do you think happened? The next day, I was right back at the gas station...womp, womp. Needless to say, I have been delivered from that mentality and foolishness. I fill my tank to the full now because, when you think about it, it costs more when you don't.

My classmate warned me earlier this week that gas is going up to $3.65 by the end of the week. I would've been ok, except for that fact that I have been upgraded from a car to a truck. I reverted back to my old way of thinking. Man, I don't want to pay the extra amount of money it's going to take to fill my tank up.

God will speak to you in unconventional ways. He started to show me the correlation of filling my gas halfway or quarter way, that's how much I was filling myself up spiritually. I would sorta read my word but not study it. I would sorta read my word but not meditate on it. God will upgrade us to a new level but to whom much is given much is required. We fill up with the Word halfway or some of us, just a quarter tank because we don't want to spend the extra time. We do just enough to barely get by. It costs more when you don't fill yourself up with the Word. Put off the old man, and put on the new.

Clearly, today I was on half a tank and felt the effects of it...

Emo-ccident

An emo-ccident this weekend, needless to say! Gut splitt'n laughs and sincere tears. If I didn't have a balance, I would be in a straight jacket right about now. There is no pain like the pain of a bad decision. There is no joy like the joy the Lord blesses you with through good friends. True medicine with no harmful side-effects!

I was watching Oprah's Big Give show last night. I think its awesome to provoke people to answer to the call of the needs of others. I was boo-hoo'n like a baby! I have experienced the euphoria of giving or making sure someone gets the service they need in order to function more efficiently. There is a super-natural law that is in place that rewards the act of giving with the right heart. But it never ceases to amaze me how Biblical principles are used without giving credit to it's source, THE BIBLE! For instance The Secret http://www.thesecret.tv/, I admit I was one of the first people to jump on the band wagon and treated this "new finding" as a phenomenon. But I got checked real good because The Secret simply is a reiteration of Biblical principles, with a slight twist. The law of attraction, faith: ask-believe-receive, positive thinking=positive results...This is nothing new at all! But as soon as Oprah put The Secret on prime time TV, everybody ate it up and talked about how it changed their lives. Doesn't the Bible do that? God gets no love either because The Secret refers to the higher source as the Universe. If they mentioned God in The Secret, would people still eat it up?!


A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose...also, another "new phenomenon" changing so many lives. But why doesn't the Bible change the lives of the people who believe in Universal principles? Why isn't the Bible making it in Oprah's book club (no diss on Oprah)?
Even more importantly, why aren't believers big like Oprah, having such an influence that we provoke people to try God or try the Bible. There has been a robbery and I don't want to be the standby that does nothing.

Spaghetti

It was the night before my birthday last year and a group of friends and I went downtown to hang out.

~~Sidebar about birthdays: I had an epiphany. God didn't intend on us , according to his original design, having to celebrate birthdays (seeing another year). We were originally designed to exist in eternal life. Adam and Eve existed in eternal life until the fall of man. That's when the governance of time came into being. Hence, the celebration of birthdays. Funny how we put so much time, effort and resources into recognizing each other living another year because time has become a precious commodity. Hmmm...

~~Resume: Our favorite band HOTSAUCE was playing at Heart Plaza, but by the time we showed up, they were almost done playing. Needless to say we were hungry (I will speak for myself!) and fishing around for where to go so late. Twelve O'Clock hit and my lovely girls harmoniously sang Happy Birthday to me. Awww...really made a girl feel special! After walking around Heart Plaza aimlessly and harassing the security guard in the GM building, we finally decided on where we should go to eat. Pizza Papalis it is! "But isn't the kitchen closed?" We arrived and were greeted by bouncers. Bouncers at Pizza Papalis, dangee! We had four minutes to make our orders, so I went the safe route and ordered spaghetti. Oooo, those dog-on servers! Anyways, our food arrived and as I was eating, a thought came to me (or what I thought was a though). Wouldn't it be nice if I gave my food to a homeless person. Something was even telling me I should but I reduced it to be just a "nice thought". We Finished eating but I still had leftovers so I asked for a box. We headed to the parking garage when I heard the voice of an older gentleman asking for food. I was at the back of the pack so he wasn't necessarily talking to me. Then it was my turn to walk past him and he says, "Ma'am can I have your food?" Here was the chance for me she give someone my spaghetti. It was weird because my feet kept moving but my attention was fixed on this man. I asked myself, "are you really still walking?" Why didn't I just give the man my spaghetti when I didn't have need of it anyway. Maybe because we allow good ideas and nice thoughts to be just good ideas and nice thoughts. The Lord was giving me an opportunity to exercise Psalm 41 "Blessed is he who has regard for the weak". When you fail to act, everything becomes just a good idea or nice thought.

Good Ideas acted on: Cars, Air plains, toothbrushes, hot combs, satellites, shoes...everything we take for granite!