"...He refreshes my soul." ~ Psalm 23:3
My soul was refreshed today and it felt like the break of Spring, dawning from a long Winter season. Everything is fresh and everything is new. I have heard many messages about restoration and healing, but this time I walked out of the doors of the church and noticed that my anxiety lifted off my chest. I felt light. Forgiveness, as I have probably mentioned previously, doesn't just stop there. Sometimes there's residual feelings and emotions that you deal with. It can often be accompanied with the guilt of knowing you are a believer and "shouldn't" be mad at God because He didn't seem to avenge you or you shouldn't be angry for being betrayed or you shouldn't be sad because of what you believe you lost.
When I was riding home, I began thinking about how my process has been reflective of a home renovation. We represent a home where we allow people and things in and out. Over the years, homes sustain wear and tear. Furniture gets old, ceilings crack, and stains are left as a reminder of events that have taken place. There comes a time when carpet needs to be torn out, cracks need to be repaired, walls need to be repainted and the overall decor can stand to be changed to a new look. So I welcomed God to come into my home and begin renovating and during the process, it didn't look or feel good. As a matter of fact, it seemed that things got worse. Walls were knocked down and my wiring was tampered with. So I asked God, "What are you doing?? I thought you were helping me! All I needed was new furniture and paint!" He went into deeper areas of my home that I felt had nothing to do with what I could see on the surface. Several times I fired Him. Several times I rehired Him. I became worn from a process that, to me, was ugly. I threatened to move to evoke God to do what I wanted Him to do. I pushed Him out the way and said I would do it myself. I told myself that "it is finished". I convinced myself that my house is whole and no more work needs to be done, when clearly visitors could see otherwise.
My house is not fully renovated BUT I am further in the process. Today I welcomed God to continue the work he began in me (Phil 1:6). I let go of believing I can do it on my own and asked Him to do what He has to do to make me completely whole so I can truly welcome people in. I often remind myself about how the best teachers are the one's who have been in their field of work. The same goes for believers who desire to walk out their path and make an impact on someones life. Often we say that we want to be used by God, but don't want to go through what it takes to be used. What a better way to make an impact with having gone through the experience, than not at all. We have to live the message we preach. If I don't get through to the other side, I can't tell others how to. That's what's most important to me now and that's my motivation to get through my renovation process. And when it's all done, the results will be beautiful.
"Those that are in Christ should never let tragedy rob their victory"~ From the messenger who delivered a message that saved my life, Pastor Andre.
