The "nothing"...dun-dun-DUN!

I was on my way home from the movies listening to "We Need You" by JR and found myself singing sincerely "I need you". I meant it with everything in me. I had a flashback of when I was in first grade (I was a part of a Christian School) and my teacher was saying a prayer, as usual, before class began. We were standing behind our seats, closed our eyes and she began. While she prayed, I felt something holding my hand. When she got done, we all opened our eyes and I distinctly remember her asking "did anyone feel that? Did anyone feel something grab their hand?" I will never forget that moment. If I allowed myself to be, I could be envious of the six year old me who held the hand of Christ. It's more meaningful to me now as an adult dealing with life in all areas.

I'm not going to bash 2009 anymore but I have talked to enough people to know folks have gotten hit, and not just hit but hit hard! There is a movie called Never Ending Story and for those of you who have not seen this movie, here is a short overview:

Through a book called The NeverEnding Story, a boy named Bastian is transported into this world called Fantasia (a world of imagination). There is more to the movie but for the sake of not rambling, I will get to the point. Fantasia is this beautiful land with this Empress and all these creatures. Anyway, turns out he ends up on a quest to save the land because it was being destroyed by the "nothing" (when the reader has lost their imagination). So stuff was disappearing into this blackness until there was nothing left but the Empresses tower and that was the last thing to be destroyed. All that was left was a grain of sand. All this chaos was going on and then all of a sudden, everything went black and silent. Bastian heard the Empresses voice, instructing him to make a wish with that one grain of sand and everything would be restored. He had to get his belief up to even do it. But he did it and everything was restored.

Ok cool. Minus all the fantasy and wishing, take it as is. Things are being destroyed and are disappearing by something powerful. Sometimes our lives feel like it's swirling in chaos and then everything goes black and silent. The "nothing" has reeked havoc. All that's left is a grain of sand or maybe for you it's a cookie or a shoe...something random. For me, I was starting to feel like all that was left was my breath. I had been reduced down to breathing. Who cares about clothes, shoes, cars, money. I don't. They can enhance my life but they don't make life or make my life. But it's the things that are hard to replace that hit home the hardest. I had to be careful to never step foot on the ground of unthankfulness. I was stepping very close to that line. Then I realized that if I don't learn anything else, it's to be thankful anyway. I am thankful for my breath because there are those who don't have that anymore. I have EVERYTHING to be thankful for. You never know what you are thankful for until you lose it either temporarily or permanently. I don't want to find that out. Hurt and pain can cloud your willingness to be thankful, though. I don't know what your Bible reads but mine says "give thanks in all circumstances" (1Thessalonians 5:18 NIV). That means the good, bad and the ugly. It takes your focus off what's not right and puts it back on what is right. It gets easier and easier to do when you meet people who got it worse and when you realize you aren't entitled to anything. I have.

So whether you lost someone to death or lost someone to life, or you lost something because you lost yourself or that something got lost on its way to finding you or your path doesn't look familiar anymore, hold onto that grain of sand, cookie or shoe that you have left, believe and watch everything be restored. It has happened for me before so I am believing for it to happen for me again. I am still walking through my valley with lessons to learn but when I was riding in the car, I asked the Lord to hold my hand again. You gotta realize when this thing is bigger than you, all you can do is hold onto God. There is something poetic about it and beautiful. In the end, my plane may have suffered several engine failures and a crash landing but just imagine me sticking my arm out of the wreckage waving and saying "I'M ALIVE!" ~living a life of thanksgiving.

P.S. The power of Bastian's belief trumped the power of the nothing. Selah.

Classifieds

She's so intuitive,
so it will be hard to hide,
those things deep inside,
that are hidden out in the open to her eyes.

She's so strong,
can lift a lifetime of heaviness,
could climb mount Everest,
can contend in a fight with the very best.

She's so patient,
she won't hurry you along,
keeps her peace even if you're wrong,
cuz she knows recognition won't be long.

She wants to save the world,
take peace over diamonds and pearls,
spend her life giving freely to 3rd worlds,
teach the value of self to young girls.

She wears her heart on her sleeve,
sometimes it can easily bleed,
but still first she believes,
the very best of people's deeds.

She desires to make a home,
a little piece of heaven on earth,
a place where love grows on fertile turf,
and to house all the futures she'll birth.

She can't be bought with words that are spoken,
but watches carefully at every move,
cuz every move gives her a clue,
of what she has to look forward to.

She can't be placed in a category,
her love is beautiful,
body and soul she is marvelous,
she's a garden fountain full of life,
she's mature like a fine Merlot,
she's humble in the fear of the Lord,
she can't be captured in a still photo,
she can't be captured in a brief description,
She can't be captured in your classified ad.

La-La Land

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
to believe that I'm the on-ly girl,
to catch-your-eye in the middle of the room and from then on you have eyes just-for-me.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
with fan-cy flo-wers that all-look-the-same,
but there's one that holds your high-est esteem, me,
oh am i dreaming, un-realistic-ly.

What would you want if you could make me o-va?
I'm cu-rious, go-head and take your or-der.
Don't mind-me, it's just the thoughts I-think,
some crazy in-se-curi-ty.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
where my hair can-be-straight or curled,
but it's-just the fact I have hair-on-my-head,
that I could be accepted instead.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
to wish that ano-ther girl,
won't give-you-a-rush in the way-that-I-do,
make you won-der if you're mi-ssing-out,
or plant-the-seed of un-plea-sant doubt.

What would you want if you could make me o-va?
I'm cu-rious, go-head and take your or-der.
Don't mind-me, its just the thoughts I think,
some crazy in-se-curi-ty.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
where I ne-ver have a hair out-of-place,
no ble-mi-shes on my face,
my jeans fit-on-my-waist.
O-o-oh the time-I-waste with this crazy in-se-curi-ty.

But what if I had big boo-bies,
a sex-y figure with long-flowing-hair,
a slim nose and pretty-painted-toes,
arched brows and a ko-dak smile,
hair-less legs that stretch for-days,
slan-ted eyes or any o-ther size,
that aren't as-big as-the moon out-side.
I'm just grateful that I-can-see,
but, what do you see when-you look at-me?

I paint this world where to-each-his-own,
planted flow-ers ne-ver die,
and time-slows-down- for every second-that-goes by.

I painted this world where it's just you-and-I.
Shar-ing kisses un-der mid-night skies.
There's no worries a-bout the things I can't con-trol,
where-I-accept my beauty for my-own,
and accept my in-ner on the outside too.

I am living in a fan-ta-sy world.
Please wake-me-up from this fan-ta-sy world.
I am living in a fan-ta-sy world.
I'm waking -up from this fan-ta-sy world.

Be the best inner you can be...I'm taking my medicine.

Growing Season

Slash and Burn-Method of Cultivation

MY fallow land left UNSEEDED during a growing season has been SLASHED and BURNED. If done correctly, it can actually be healthy, allowing new growth to establish.

~Slashing eliminates old growth to create room for new growth--->food producing trees that are useful are left standing~ ~Burning removes pests and microorganisms--->ash releases nutrients to fertilize the soil~

~Then starts the process of new growth~

We revel and strive for the comforts of peace in our lives and resist the moments of opposition so much that we miss opportunities to grow. Or we allow opposition to cripple and paralyze us to the point of being unproductive for extended periods of time. There are moments when we hit extreme sorrow and pain through situations, then go into a self-pity cave full of the devils fine foods and delectables: depression, fear, anxiety, and Chocolate Turtle Chex Mix :-). Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans to prosper us, give us hope and a future...not to harm us. He is not our source of harm. But He will use those situations for something good to come out of them, if you don't resist the opposition/opportunity. I have seen a reflection of myself in my organicosity mirror (I made that up) even in the newness of this year, 2009. My opposition causes me to take a look at myself, point the finger at myself first and not others. It causes me to evaluate the fruitful parts of my life and my character and the old unproductive parts that need to be slashed and burned.

Wake up, shower, eat, go to school, go to work, work-out, drop the kids off, pick the kids up, cook breakfast-lunch-dinner, talk on phone/text, watch tv, play Wii, do homework, run errands, sleep...whatever order or activities you participate in, we live busy lives. In our business our resolution to 'pray in the morning', 'say my affirmations/confessions', 'read atleast one passage a day', 'finish reading that book I started', 'pray before I go to bed', 'debrief', falls off and we become an open target. I know because it happened to me. I became so concerned about rushing to school and work and fulfilling those duties that my guard was down. So here comes my adversary feeding me lies about myself that I got full on. Attacking my self-esteem and how I viewed my beauty, attacking my need to "do enough to be enough" and attacking my most hated part, my emotional self. To take a side journey, Proverbs tells us that "wisdom is supreme...get wisdom" (Prov. 4:7). Wisdom is the parent (authoritative figure) and emotions are the child (free willed, and undisciplined by nature). Wisdom parents your emotions. Wisdom says "slow down and think about future consequences to what you are about to do...is it beneficial, are you being realistic...you are being irrational!" Emotions say "give it to me NOW, i want it NOW, why not NOW!?" Emotions connect us and allow us to express ourselves and wisdom regulates that. For me, my emotional self thought the whole world was coming to an end. My life is over and there is no hope. If things didn't work out or if I got some bad news, I would go into a panic or be depressed (either or both extremes). I knew that was an area that I needed strength in, self control. In my illumination, I realized that I don't have low self-esteem but I allowed seeds of thoughts to be planted and grow. I realized that I can have control over my emotional self and that I am giving and my giving IS enough (although, we can always do more).

Right now I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death and with it lurks fear, anxiety and sadness. Now is an opportunity for me to either react off of emotions or do something different. That something different looks like anchoring my emotional self, my hope and my faith in the Lord COMPLETELY. It looks like rejoicing in the Lord like the Word tells us to do (Philippians 4:4). It looks like having a positive attitude and believing the best. Not to discount your genuine feelings of hurt, but to combat them so you don't fall off into bitterness. I was so busy trying to "suck it up" and keep moving that I did a disservice to myself. Pride tells you not to cry when you need to cry. It tells you that if you cry then you are not in faith. That's a lie. "Weeping may endure for a night, but night doesn't necessarily mean 8 hours. Night can last until...and then your morning will come"~mommy. No one can count how long your night will be but you have the morning to look forward to. And just like the rainfall purifies that atmosphere, catches its impurities and washes away the dirt, our tears do the same. But joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Before you know it, a blade of grass will rise up from the ashes and then starts the growth of something new.

I have committed to shedding the unhealthy parts of myself, and cultivating a better version of myself. Computer programs have upgrades, phones have upgrades, heck even cars have upgrades. Why can't we? My journey of growth is not over, of course, but I put my thoughts under submission, surround myself with the Word (good seed), give God praise when I feel like complaining, look to encourage someone else, expand my spiritual knowledge, and wake up every morning running to be closer to my Designer, my Creator. If you want something to rely on that never changes, its your Creator. Put things into perspective. What we long for here on earth won't matter in Heaven. We have a short period of time left, rise to the morning and rise to your assignment.

*Remember: your mind is the enemy's Cedar Pointe. Time to stop giving out free passes into the park.