Classifieds

She's so intuitive,
so it will be hard to hide,
those things deep inside,
that are hidden out in the open to her eyes.

She's so strong,
can lift a lifetime of heaviness,
could climb mount Everest,
can contend in a fight with the very best.

She's so patient,
she won't hurry you along,
keeps her peace even if you're wrong,
cuz she knows recognition won't be long.

She wants to save the world,
take peace over diamonds and pearls,
spend her life giving freely to 3rd worlds,
teach the value of self to young girls.

She wears her heart on her sleeve,
sometimes it can easily bleed,
but still first she believes,
the very best of people's deeds.

She desires to make a home,
a little piece of heaven on earth,
a place where love grows on fertile turf,
and to house all the futures she'll birth.

She can't be bought with words that are spoken,
but watches carefully at every move,
cuz every move gives her a clue,
of what she has to look forward to.

She can't be placed in a category,
her love is beautiful,
body and soul she is marvelous,
she's a garden fountain full of life,
she's mature like a fine Merlot,
she's humble in the fear of the Lord,
she can't be captured in a still photo,
she can't be captured in a brief description,
She can't be captured in your classified ad.

La-La Land

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
to believe that I'm the on-ly girl,
to catch-your-eye in the middle of the room and from then on you have eyes just-for-me.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
with fan-cy flo-wers that all-look-the-same,
but there's one that holds your high-est esteem, me,
oh am i dreaming, un-realistic-ly.

What would you want if you could make me o-va?
I'm cu-rious, go-head and take your or-der.
Don't mind-me, it's just the thoughts I-think,
some crazy in-se-curi-ty.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
where my hair can-be-straight or curled,
but it's-just the fact I have hair-on-my-head,
that I could be accepted instead.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
to wish that ano-ther girl,
won't give-you-a-rush in the way-that-I-do,
make you won-der if you're mi-ssing-out,
or plant-the-seed of un-plea-sant doubt.

What would you want if you could make me o-va?
I'm cu-rious, go-head and take your or-der.
Don't mind-me, its just the thoughts I think,
some crazy in-se-curi-ty.

Am I living in a fan-ta-sy world,
where I ne-ver have a hair out-of-place,
no ble-mi-shes on my face,
my jeans fit-on-my-waist.
O-o-oh the time-I-waste with this crazy in-se-curi-ty.

But what if I had big boo-bies,
a sex-y figure with long-flowing-hair,
a slim nose and pretty-painted-toes,
arched brows and a ko-dak smile,
hair-less legs that stretch for-days,
slan-ted eyes or any o-ther size,
that aren't as-big as-the moon out-side.
I'm just grateful that I-can-see,
but, what do you see when-you look at-me?

I paint this world where to-each-his-own,
planted flow-ers ne-ver die,
and time-slows-down- for every second-that-goes by.

I painted this world where it's just you-and-I.
Shar-ing kisses un-der mid-night skies.
There's no worries a-bout the things I can't con-trol,
where-I-accept my beauty for my-own,
and accept my in-ner on the outside too.

I am living in a fan-ta-sy world.
Please wake-me-up from this fan-ta-sy world.
I am living in a fan-ta-sy world.
I'm waking -up from this fan-ta-sy world.

Be the best inner you can be...I'm taking my medicine.

Growing Season

Slash and Burn-Method of Cultivation

MY fallow land left UNSEEDED during a growing season has been SLASHED and BURNED. If done correctly, it can actually be healthy, allowing new growth to establish.

~Slashing eliminates old growth to create room for new growth--->food producing trees that are useful are left standing~ ~Burning removes pests and microorganisms--->ash releases nutrients to fertilize the soil~

~Then starts the process of new growth~

We revel and strive for the comforts of peace in our lives and resist the moments of opposition so much that we miss opportunities to grow. Or we allow opposition to cripple and paralyze us to the point of being unproductive for extended periods of time. There are moments when we hit extreme sorrow and pain through situations, then go into a self-pity cave full of the devils fine foods and delectables: depression, fear, anxiety, and Chocolate Turtle Chex Mix :-). Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has plans to prosper us, give us hope and a future...not to harm us. He is not our source of harm. But He will use those situations for something good to come out of them, if you don't resist the opposition/opportunity. I have seen a reflection of myself in my organicosity mirror (I made that up) even in the newness of this year, 2009. My opposition causes me to take a look at myself, point the finger at myself first and not others. It causes me to evaluate the fruitful parts of my life and my character and the old unproductive parts that need to be slashed and burned.

Wake up, shower, eat, go to school, go to work, work-out, drop the kids off, pick the kids up, cook breakfast-lunch-dinner, talk on phone/text, watch tv, play Wii, do homework, run errands, sleep...whatever order or activities you participate in, we live busy lives. In our business our resolution to 'pray in the morning', 'say my affirmations/confessions', 'read atleast one passage a day', 'finish reading that book I started', 'pray before I go to bed', 'debrief', falls off and we become an open target. I know because it happened to me. I became so concerned about rushing to school and work and fulfilling those duties that my guard was down. So here comes my adversary feeding me lies about myself that I got full on. Attacking my self-esteem and how I viewed my beauty, attacking my need to "do enough to be enough" and attacking my most hated part, my emotional self. To take a side journey, Proverbs tells us that "wisdom is supreme...get wisdom" (Prov. 4:7). Wisdom is the parent (authoritative figure) and emotions are the child (free willed, and undisciplined by nature). Wisdom parents your emotions. Wisdom says "slow down and think about future consequences to what you are about to do...is it beneficial, are you being realistic...you are being irrational!" Emotions say "give it to me NOW, i want it NOW, why not NOW!?" Emotions connect us and allow us to express ourselves and wisdom regulates that. For me, my emotional self thought the whole world was coming to an end. My life is over and there is no hope. If things didn't work out or if I got some bad news, I would go into a panic or be depressed (either or both extremes). I knew that was an area that I needed strength in, self control. In my illumination, I realized that I don't have low self-esteem but I allowed seeds of thoughts to be planted and grow. I realized that I can have control over my emotional self and that I am giving and my giving IS enough (although, we can always do more).

Right now I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death and with it lurks fear, anxiety and sadness. Now is an opportunity for me to either react off of emotions or do something different. That something different looks like anchoring my emotional self, my hope and my faith in the Lord COMPLETELY. It looks like rejoicing in the Lord like the Word tells us to do (Philippians 4:4). It looks like having a positive attitude and believing the best. Not to discount your genuine feelings of hurt, but to combat them so you don't fall off into bitterness. I was so busy trying to "suck it up" and keep moving that I did a disservice to myself. Pride tells you not to cry when you need to cry. It tells you that if you cry then you are not in faith. That's a lie. "Weeping may endure for a night, but night doesn't necessarily mean 8 hours. Night can last until...and then your morning will come"~mommy. No one can count how long your night will be but you have the morning to look forward to. And just like the rainfall purifies that atmosphere, catches its impurities and washes away the dirt, our tears do the same. But joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). Before you know it, a blade of grass will rise up from the ashes and then starts the growth of something new.

I have committed to shedding the unhealthy parts of myself, and cultivating a better version of myself. Computer programs have upgrades, phones have upgrades, heck even cars have upgrades. Why can't we? My journey of growth is not over, of course, but I put my thoughts under submission, surround myself with the Word (good seed), give God praise when I feel like complaining, look to encourage someone else, expand my spiritual knowledge, and wake up every morning running to be closer to my Designer, my Creator. If you want something to rely on that never changes, its your Creator. Put things into perspective. What we long for here on earth won't matter in Heaven. We have a short period of time left, rise to the morning and rise to your assignment.

*Remember: your mind is the enemy's Cedar Pointe. Time to stop giving out free passes into the park.

I'm going to bed to pass the time...tasting a piece of an exotic fruit that you have never had before but denied the whole fruit...kinda how it feels.

Small Ditty

Was having a call and response moment with myself this morning...or maybe I should just say that I was talking to myself in my mind :-). I was thinking to myself that I know my Bible pretty well and started to say, good enough. But there is no such thing as knowing enough of the Word! Then I had an illumination!! Remember those books (and TV Guide Magazines) that had a colorful picture of patterns and if you stare at it long enough you start to see something else. Thats what the Bible is like. You can read it (look at it with surface eyes) but the Bible has sooooooo many layers that even if you read the same scripture, you can find a different revelation then before (you see a picture within a picture)! You see something different that you have never seen. You read it differently then before. It wowed me, I don't know about you! You might be new to reading the Word and it doesn't make sense or it's starting to sound like an unrealistic story book. Look at it again with a fresh perspective and an anticipation to see something you haven't seen before...SE-LAH!

Crazy Wonderful

I love that phrase right now, "Crazy Wonderful"! That's how my life is feeling at this moment because I am witnessing a Word I received from the Throne itself unfolding! Sometimes when we quiet ourselves and get the boldness up to write down what we hear, we question what we've heard. I know I do! I'm like "God, was that me or you? Not tryna take credit, but I just needed to know if I'm talking to myself". I'm so messed up right now, my appetite has come and gone! And if you know me, then you know how much I love my food ;-)

My prayer journal is chock full of either dreams I have had, prayers I have prayed or spoken word form the Lord. This morning I woke up earlier than my alarm, so I decided not to fight it and to get up and pray. So I prayed and took my shower and was going to read over my notes from Sunday service and Tuesday's convention. That all changed as soon as I sat on my bed. I picked up my journal to read over a dream I had at the end of last year, when the book opened to the page where the Lord had spoken to me a few months ago. He gave me specific instructions that I had been lagging on and it hit me so hard! I will take a moment to be transparent (that's the purpose of this blog spot).

The set of instruction were all related to the same subject but one of the things the Lord told me to stop doing is pulling my hair back. Usually when it's around the time when I need to wash my hair, it stops cooperating with me and gets dirty. So I pull it back until I have time to wash it. Now this is not the reason 100% of the time, but for a good portion, that's the reason. I was suppose to wash my hair the other day but was too busy studying. Needless to say it got put off for an extra day. So I had been pulling my hair back and was going to do it again this morning. I felt this urgency to get up and wash my hair right at that moment. It's 7:40am and I needed to be at church by 9. It takes me a good hour and a half to really wash, blow, and curl my hair right. I only had 45 minutes, that is a short amount of time! I'm like "Ok Lord, I will do it but you have to help me". I was able to do it and leave the house in just enough time to make it to church. God wants you looking and feeling your best!

What's my point? God will blow your mind if you let him, so take a chance in hearing what He is saying to you and write it down! I can't speak on it just yet until things solidify but, I really feel a testimony coming on. I remember giving up on taking total control of my life and asking the Lord to write my story (on my signature line of my emails) in specific areas or just in general. It's so unconventional too. He is causing the desire of my heart to be granted, why? Because HE plants the desire in your heart (you're not that smart ;-) I'm feeling Crazy wonderful and my stomach has butterflies from anticipation land.

Today

Today I'm grateful....
I'm grateful that I can see
I'm grateful that I can hear music, the sound of cars passing by and the trees clapping for me
I'm grateful for the V.I.P.'s that have been written into my life story
I'm grateful for every little accomplishment, even if it is baby steps
I'm grateful for my role here on earth and don't want to be anybody but myself
I'm grateful for the interesting touches to my day that remind me that God knows what I desire
I'm grateful that I breathe in and out
I'm grateful for the supply of joy that is not attached to swaying circumstances, waiting for me every morning
I'm grateful that I can hear the screaming kids getting off the school bus
I'm grateful for the adventure of interesting people
I'm grateful for extremes and in extremes to help me find a balance
I'm grateful for the warm weather
I'm just grateful